My mood had already plummeted since Friday. I'd been due to go out on the evening with some work-mates but cancelled on them. We had a 'halfway' test earlier on that day and the result I got back was rather disappointing. I passed, but it felt like I scraped. I thought I was coping, I thought I was getting by OK, but clearly that was a big wake-up call.
This ain't easy, it never was going to be, and it isn't going to get any easier, anytime soon.
I don't know what to put it to, maybe it's my learning style, maybe I just clammed-up in the test. Maybe it's the fact that I'm not sleeping well, maybe I just need more good old-fashioned hard work, or more often than now, maybe it's my lack of self-belief.
So I text a friend to say that I would only leaden the vibes if I headed out with them, and that was that. Since I had no particular place to go, or anyone to see over the weekend, i just closed the door and let the weekend unfold at its own pace.
Spent most of this weekend...
Reading through Saturday's Guardian
Downloading new episodes of Lost and Battlestar Galactica through the wonder of YouTube
Weeding in the garden
Food shopping
Expertly finding new ways to avoid study before realising that that may be the key to my ultimate failure
Nursing bottles of wine
Reloading the washing machine a few times
Reading really interesting news articles online
Trawling Google/YouTube for aforementioned cheesy 80's track
Watching V for Vendetta
Playing any relaxed, funky loungy music to hand
Starting reading The Time Traveller's Wife
Going through some old clothes to donate to a charity shop in town
Sitting still, and listening to the quiet whisper of the gas fire as the day darkens into another cold night
Things are OK, if-.
Nah, forget it.
Been there before.
Anyway, again my quiet self-pity is put into sharp focus with breaking news from Iraq. Four British Servicemen are reported killed in Basra.
And, oh god, it's Remembrance Day.
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4 comments:
At the end of the day, when you've passed your exams...they aren't going to count when you're doing your day to day cop-stuff. What will count is how you deal with the Great British Public, how you negotiate the minefield that is paperwork and dealing with them from on high.
You didn't fail. I sounds to me, like you just need a hug.
*hugs*
Thanks guys, just one of those weeks I guess... Hugs always appreciated though. :)
Awhh, c'mere 'ya big lug... ;)
*muffled* group hug!
seriouesly though, thanks for the kinda comments y'all. :)
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