Stacey

I first met Stacey in July of last year.

I think it was initially at the pre-course induction evening, I forget the date, but it was about three weeks before we formally started police training. We'd had some presentations from various training staff on what to expect when training began. The talks were a little dry to say the least. People were milling around the generously-stocked buffet table and nervously introducing themselves to each other. Afterall, these were to be our colleagues, our kindred, and we were meeting them for the first time.

I found myself standing next to a tall, striking blonde girl and both of us staring at a plate of chocolate brownies. As a guy, I cannot deny one of the first thoughts that popped into my head was

Wow, she's cute

So nervously-still, I struck up a conversation with her.

Stacey put you at ease when you talked to her. She radiated a certain warmth. To borrow a title of a favourite track of mine, she was

The girl with the sun in her head

I was glad to find out later that night, when we tore open letters detailing our station-postings, that she was going to the same station as me. Some colleagues I wasn't too sure about when I first met them. See, I do believe you can sometimes judge books by their covers, by your first meetings with them. Her, I warmed to straight away.

As the autumn unfolded I became friends with Stacey. As the initial intake of 30 was split into three sub-divisions to be taught & trained in different locations, us southies grew closer. Everyone became friends with Stacey, it was virtually impossible not to. See, Stacey would go out of her way to talk to you. She was magnetic. She couldn't stand cliques and she hated falling out with people. She was bubbly, popular and outgoing. She was the first to suggest going out after work, and made a point of inviting absolutely everyone. She could argue and fight a point like a banshee if she truly believed in it, but she'd hate disagreeing with you afterwards. It wasn't the point itself, but the arguing that upset her. That said, she had a resilience about her way beyond her twenty years. A fierce loyalty too. Wrong her, and you'd know about it. Wrong her friends or anyone she cared about and she pursue you to the ends of the earth. Whatever she did, her enthusiasm was infectious.

Bless her, Stacey also suffered from a complete lack of tact. She'd say exactly what was on her mind, and that is actually a quite beautiful quality in someone. However, this often got her into a bit of trouble along the way, either that or fits of laughter from friends and colleagues.

Stace! I can't believe you just said that!

was often flung her way. But we knew. We all knew whatever it was, a good-looking guy who just passed by or a quite innocent question... She didn't mean it that way. She was just vocalising. Stacey had a naivety that she could not hide; a happy-go-lucky attitude that she never lost.

As training wore on, I developed a crush for Stacey. Her previously described warm and magnetic personality (I cannot put too fine a point on it) coupled with stunning looks... God, she could make most guys melt. I knew nothing would every come of it, I was content to simply fancy her from afar. So on one of the many drunken nights out, after 'a few' drinks, I admitted this crush to a colleague.

"Oh dear," said mutual friend in deep conversation yesterday "you do realise you shouldn't trust me with juicy secrets like that now, should you?"

So then. Stacey had known for a while. But d'you know what? Nothing had changed. She never treated me any differently. I knew she didn't like me like that, but she made sure the course of our friendship remained unchanged. She was there for me, I was there for her. Mutual friend told me yesterday that Stacey had been completely flattered when she'd been told. She'd disbelieved it a first, but when told that they weren't kidding. She'd awwwww-ed and thought it was truly soooo sweet. She'd never suspected in the slighted.

So I'm glad.

Glad that at least once I'd really made her smile.

Glad that I was able to give some of that warmth she radiated, back to her.

* * * * *

Early yesterday morning I walked into the locker room around 06:45. I started putting on my kit for the day. On with the body armour, switching on the radio and checking that all other kit was present and correct. Whilst I was doing my necessary checks Stacey appeared at a neighbouring locker and began to do the complete opposite. She'd finished her shift and was peeling off her armour, switching off her radio and unloading her kit. Following training this was how we'd meet out at station now, either at a shift-changeover, or dealing with an incident should shifts overlap.

She was tired. She'd just finished a night-shift and was looking forward to getting home, and hardly thrilled that she'd be right back there at 22:00 the same evening. But that was the job, that was what we did. She was thrilled, but exhausted by a busy night of incidents.

Some of us came to the job from a number of directions and varied backgrounds, but this was Stacey's dream. She'd always wanted to join the Police Force, and she was now living her dream. She was going to incidents, blue-lighting it through town and making real arrests. She was so proud to be wearing the uniform at last.

She was buzzing.

We exchanged banter in the locker room for a few minutes, each enthusiastically relating incidents we'd been to this far; gleefully peppering our speech with new-found Police acronyms and lingo that no passing civilian would comprehend. I had to get to the morning briefing, she wanted to get home. So as we said goodbye I instinctively borrowed one of her catchphrases and said a cheery

"See you later chick!"

as she left.

I never saw her again.

* * * * *

Just over an hour later I was in the parade room completing some paperwork when the incident came in over the local channels from another part of the county. As details emerged, my interest was piqued. Something sounded familiar.

Then more details came in.

Interest collapsed into sheer dread.

Until the very worst was confirmed and the world caved-in around me.

There was road traffic collision.

There was one fatality at the scene.

And it was Stacey.

I was one of the last people to speak to her.

And that will haunt me forever more.

* * * * *

Stacey

1986 - 2007

We miss you so much chick.
You left us far too soon.
Rest in peace.
And we'll do our best by you.