Thursday, September 28, 2006

Proof, if proof be needed

...That horoscopes are pure fiction.

Usually they're harmless fun; this one's taking the piss.

Libra Sep24-Oct23

Thu 28th Sep 2006
Anything you tackle at this time should go well. In fact your success at some jobs you take on will exceed your expectations! The more you achieve, the more your confidence will shine. Your high spirits will spread to those around you as you encourage others to try their hand at tasks they've not had the guts to attempt in the past. Make the most of all this cooperation and comradeship.

Wednesday, September 27, 2006

L O S T

Did anyone else watch the series 2 finalie?

What the...?!

Tuesday, September 26, 2006

Accession

If I was a Bulgarian or a Romanian right now I'd be a little pissed that...

  • Cyprus
  • Czech Republic
  • Estonia
  • Hungary
  • Latvia
  • Lithuania
  • Malta
  • Poland
  • Slovakia
  • Slovenia

...Were allowed to join with no major blocks, but that now that it's time for their ascension their European integration is being 'carefully managed', read with lots more controls than last time round. I'd also be quite annoyed that every time Bulgaria is shown on the news they go to some small rural village and film the horses and carts rumbling past, rather than more picturesque, increasingly cosmopolitain capital.

Granted the UK Home Office underestimated the Eastern European 'influx' last time round (some 100k vs. an actual 500k); the ignorant rent-a-quotes on the street keeps pressing that they're essentially "coming over here and stealing our jobs". Bollocks. Statistically migrant workers are coming over here and doing the jobs that we don't want to do. They live here, they pay tax. Ask your average work-shy layabout (come-on - every community has them), if they'd fancy doing relatively manual low-paid work such as vegetable packing and sorting and I think you know what the answer would be.

I, for one, have absolutely no problem with people coming over here to do work. If they're more competitive in the job market, so bit it.

Wake up; it's a globalised world whether you like it or not.

Monday, September 25, 2006

Trial by night

Some of us got the heads-up on our individual shift patterns come the new year when we go on 'active' duty with our tutor constables.

If the rota's are correct:

My first shift is either a Saturday evening 1600 through 02:00.

Which will be... Ummm, eventful.

Or a Monday night 22:00 through 07:00.

Pass the coffee.

Well, I gotta start somewhere.

Sunday, September 24, 2006

Saturday, September 23, 2006

Saturday Morning



The hazy view out of the open kitchen window, whilst a slight breeze enteres the house to stir the stale overnight air. The soundtrack of Bonobo, Bjork and Kid Loco melds with rhythmic beat of the washing machine. Precisely nothing on the schedule, short of nipping out to get the paper. Currently on cuppa' #3 with the remains of toast on a plate by my side and I sit here realising that I may not move very far at all this weekend.

In less than 100 words describe your morning.

It's got to be a lot more interesting than mine.

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

Gas!

I would advise you if you're getting aggressive on a night out; do not royally piss off, or take on a Police Officer.

As part of our training today a whole bunch got sprayed with CS Gas.

Okay, well not actually sprayed-in-the-face (like you're average kicking-off crim), but walking through a slightly diluted cloud of the stuff.

That, I tell you, is more than enough.

Think mentholyptus mixed with napalm, or lemsip mixed with uranium. It clears your nose, but boy does it fuck with your throat. And your eyes for that matter.

Tears stream from your face, your eyes clamp involuntarily shut. You cough, you splutter, you spit. All very attractive. Think about 30 of us all doing that, for minutes on end.

Why the hell do we have the option to do this as part of our training? Well, chances are if you have to spray someone as part of your service, some of it will come back on you.

At least now I have an idea what to expect.

Lovely stuff.

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

Monday, September 18, 2006

Seriously bored

I can't face the ironing right now. I've no 'homework' (lets not tempt fate), there's some washing-up pilled by the sink and I can't be bothered to unpack another box of random accumulated stuff that I brought with me when I moved here. Yes, in true procrastinating style, here's one of these questionnaire-thingies.

Je suis tres bored.

Oh dear.

* * * * *
Name:
Ingmar
Birthday:
01/10/1977 (*cough*)
Birthplace:
Beverley, East Yorkshire (contrary to popular belief, not Sweden)
Current Location:
The North (UK)
Eye Color:
Blue, so I'm told
Hair Color:
Brownish
Height:
6'3"
Right Handed or Left Handed:
Right
Your Heritage:
Anglo-Swedish
The Shoes You Wore Today:
Magnum Patrol Boots (still breaking the buggers in)
Your Weakness:
Biscuits
Your Fears:
Failure, loneliness and letting others down
Your Perfect Pizza:
Polo Ad Astra (I think they're called, it's like a chickeny one?)
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year:
Pass the end-of-phase exams and prepare myself for the barrage of abuse from the great unwashed
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger:
'Yeah', 'lol'
Thoughts First Waking Up:
"Ugh, that time already?"
Your Best Physical Feature:
I think, my eyes
Your Bedtime:
Close to midnight, though come the new year that goes right out the window
Your Most Missed Memory:
Travelling; in 2002. Halcyon days, those...
Pepsi or Coke:
Coke
McDonalds or Burger King:
Suprisingly these days, hardly either. But BK on occasion.
Single or Group Dates:
Single
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea:
Neither
Chocolate or Vanilla:
Chocolate
Cappuccino or Coffee:
Cappucciono... But I'd rather have a Latte.
Do you Smoke:
Nope
Do you Swear:
Fuck, yeah! (oops)
Do you Sing:
Badly.
Do you Shower Daily:
Yep.
Have you Been in Love:
Yep.
Do you want to go to College:
Already have thankyouverymuch. Rather fun it was too.
Do you want to get Married:
Hopefully, god forbid should I chance upon anyone crazy enough to actually want to spend large parts of their life in my company.
Do you belive in yourself:
Not enough, I don't think.
Do you get Motion Sickness:
Rarely.
Do you think you are Attractive:
Occasionally. Hence the photograph of Vienna as opposed to a grining shot of this here idiot.
Are you a Health Freak:
Suprisingly heading that way. I keep getting complimented on my lunchbox at work (that's the sandwich kind).
Do you get along with your Parents:
Even now more so than before, bless 'em.
Do you like Thunderstorms:
Oh yeah, I LOVE watching them
Do you play an Instrument:
The piano, once. But did not persevere.
In the past month have you Drank Alcohol:
Yep, Argentinian dry white about a, oooo, half-hour ago?
In the past month have you Smoked:
Nope
In the past month have you been on Drugs:
Yeah, like I could do that now in my new line of work... That's a n o .
In the past month have you gone on a Date:
Nope.
In the past month have you gone to a Mall:
A shopping centre. Queen's English here please.
In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos:
Nope. Although I haven't had any in a while.Hmmm, when does Tesco's close?
In the past month have you eaten Sushi:
Nope, never really been a big fan. I don't mind the stuff, but I won't go out of my way for it.
In the past month have you been on Stage:
Nope.
In the past month have you been Dumped:
Nope.
In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping:
Nope, have done when I was younger though!
In the past month have you Stolen Anything:
No, no, no! For god's sake, what's my new career?!
Ever been Drunk:
Pope. Catholic?
Ever been called a Tease:
Yep.
Ever been Beaten up:
Yep.
Ever Shoplifted:
Back in the mists of time, yep.
How do you want to Die:
Lance Armstrong has it right: "I want to die at a hundred years old with an American flag on my back and the star of texas on my helmet, after screaming down an alpine descent on a bicycle at 75mph. I want to cross one last finish line as my stud wife and my ten children applaud, and then I want to lie down in a field of those famous French sunflowers and gracefully expire..." Ok, minus, the flag, the star and perhaps slightly fewer chidren, that's not a bad way to go...
What do you want to be when you Grow Up:
Erm, I am grown up? Well, twenty years ago I wanted to be an astronaunt.
What country would you most like to Visit:
Have a real burning passion for Russia right now.
Number of CDs I own:
Just shy of 300. I catalogued them a few weeks back - for geeky/insurance purposes.
Number of Piercings:
Zero.
Number of Tattoos:
None
Number of things in my Past I Regret:
Plenty, and I learn from them. I hope.

Sunday, September 17, 2006

Did something amazing today

(Apart from stealing that slogan)

I gave blood.

Never done it before, so it was a rather interesting experience to say the least.

Ooo, and free biscuits at the end which is always a bonus in my book.

After answering all the deep & probing questions I apparently have plenty of iron in my blood and it was a nice deep oxygenated colour. I am actually quite looking forward to finding out my blood group in the following week once they done all of their tests & things.

It's just a strange sight when they hold up a bag full of warm crimson-coloured liquid and you realise that just came out of you.

Annoyingly I can't drink for the rest of the day; frustrating as I'm just about to head down the pub to watch Man U v Arsenal (come on Arsenal!!). Nor can I have a glass of wine whilst watching Spooks tonight.

But seriously now, it's a mind-blowing thought to think that blood of mine will eventually be flowing through someone else's veins. It's a simple procedure, but it makes such a difference.

Friday, September 15, 2006

Unexpected kindness

Two days of 'safety training' brought another working week to a close with another round of aches, pains and strains in whole new sets of muscles I didn't know I had. But it's all good fun, and of course critical to the career I'm embarking on. So beware. I do have handcuffs, and I do know how to use them.

What has been a tough week was also lightened by a wonderful act of kindness from an unexpected source. You know who you are, so I won't go embarrassing you any further. But it was a fantastic surprise, and such generosity. Thank you so much.

Friday night. The plan? Television, and a surprisingly early night methinks. Don't ask me to stretch for anything right now, I think I'd collapse.

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

Venturing out of the crib: part two

Really interesting day today. Can't go into too much detail of course, because of the nature of my job every second form I see is marked restricted, every second conversation; confidential.

However, I can remark upon this:

For the first time in my training I ventured out on patrol around the town in which I'll be working, accompanied by a tutor officer. Body armour and everything. Strapping up the Kevlar was admittedly quite exciting, as was catching glimpses of myself in any reflective surface. Another reminder of how real this is getting, real quick.

Walking down the street, for the first time in uniform, was a very strange feeling indeed. Imagine you're surrounded by a bubble. This bubble extends out about fifty meters in all directions, and as you walk along and people enter into that bubble, they're immediately aware of your presence and stare right at you. Some smile, some stare. Pretty much all watch your every move, as you pass through.

I can't say I'm someone who seeks the limelight. I'm not exactly a loner, but I prefer the company of small groups to large, of individuals to groups. Being the centre of attention is strange. But I'm going to have to get used to it awfully quickly.

Monday, September 11, 2006

Nine/eleven

I know exactly where I was this afternoon, five years ago.

Approximately 3,500 miles away from the horror of that day.

Literally and figuratively; an ocean away.

I was working at the bookshop most of that week, but since I was roat'd to work the weekend, I had the Tuesday off.

I remember clearly, like everyone does now, where I was when I first heard the news.

I was upstairs at my parent's house, writing an email offline to one of my friends.

The phone went. Unusually for the middle of the day, it was my grandmother.

"You should turn the TV on," she said, again, unusual for her "the Empire State Building is on fire."

Bless her, my gran's never been plugged into Americana. She once asked a visiting friend of mine from the states:

"Whereabouts are you from?"

"California" my friend says.

"Is that in the USA?" asks Gran, innocently.

Anyway, I digress.

So thinking it was the Empire State, what would have been an equally shocking sight anyway, I turned on the TV.

The same images. On all the channels.

Deep, thick back plumes of smoke were billowing from deep gashes in both of the Twin Towers of the World Trade Centre. Flames licked up the sides and debris continued to rain down.

Staggeringly, LIVE was emblazoned in the top right hand-corner of the screen.

Unusually for professional newscasters, the anchors were hesitant, clearly shocked themselves. Something of great magnitude had clearly just occurred.

I remember one of them saying something to the effect of

"We're just going to run that video again... Can we get that video? You're seeing this again as we are, what looks like a clear and deliberate act... A second plane hitting the south tower..."

I shouted, shouted for my dad to come in from the garden. He would want to know what was happening, but part of me as well wanted to check that hat I was seeing was real. So shockingly real.

We must have sat transfixed for the next six hours, as the events unfolded. Mum joined us later on that afternoon, in a kind of quiet tele-vigil.

What else could be do but watch?

I remember arguing geo-politics the next day with an old email friend of mine. They argued that this wasn't a turning point in world history, that things would settle down. I argued the opposite; that this heralded an uncertain new age.

I hate to be right sometimes.

Written with the deepest respect, and in memory of the 2,749.

Venturing out of the crib

It feels like putting on a suit of armour.

One piece at a time.

I've had some basics in theory, and practical, but nowhere near a fraction of what I need to effectively go out on patrol.

Today was radios.

Following practical lectures on the in's & out's of the new police radio system all morning, we were actually let loose outside the confines of the station come the afternoon. In uniform. For the first time. Like dutiful children we were told exactly where to go, but still it felt, and damn well looked like, every member of the public was staring at us as we ventured out in pairs to do some role-play in-situ.

Suddenly call signs and instructions came blaring over the earpiece thick and fast, on the one hand you're listing out for your letters and numbers whilst simultaneously interviewing the actor/volunteer and scribbling down the key points of what they're saying.

Fast-forward around six months however; doing it for real. I'm exhilarated and scared shitless by that thought.

Anyway, the weekend was excellent, and I'm real annoyed that I seem to have lost my Bluetooth 'dongle' (which lets my mobile talk & transfer to my computer). I'll upload pics when I can, in the meanwhile this review (of his Glasgow gig) sums up the experience pretty well. Just damn fine pop music at the end of the day, he doesn't pretend to be anything else. Good on the bloke.

Part of Sunday was spent directly under the flight path of the Red Arrows display team, performing over a local aerodrome. Again - an awesome sight and another set of pictures I really must upload here when I can.

Funny - I can't seem to relax when I go home these days (in a nice way, kinda'). It's either seeing as many friends-that-I-haven't-seen-in-a-while, or some other task or event that takes up all the time.

Whilst the evenings down here, are long, dark, and admittedly a little lonely.

I don't look forward to winter.

Thursday, September 07, 2006

Mars

Two years since they landed on the red planet, the Mars Rovers are still going strong with plenty of life in them. Some of the images they’ve taken are, to me, simply breathtaking.

I keep having to remind myself, awestruck, this is another planet!


Wednesday, September 06, 2006

The weekend starts here

Wohoo!

The weekend just turned on its heel in the best possible way.

It's gone from, well frankly no plans at all to be honest, to hopefully joining around 120,000 other people for the totally sold-out Robbie Williams gig at Roundhay Park in Leeds. The support isn't half bad either; Basement Jaxx and Orson!

My good friend Becky bought the highly sought-after tickets a good while back, hoping to sell two of them on E-Bay for a profit. Fair enough, I thought, I would have been interested but didn't have money at the time. So apparently there's been a few distribution problems getting the tickets out, and therefore she won't have time to put them on E-Bay. Hence she's offered them to her friends for the cover price. Yay!

Now, thanks to my Police pay packet, I can actually afford to join them...

I was lucky enough last summer to get one get one the hottest tickets around; Live8. That proved to be one of the most awesome, and influential gigs I'll probably ever see in my life. Robbie was one the highlights on that day, and I'd love to see he again. He does what he says on the tin; crowd pleasing pop music with showmanship perhaps inherited from the late Freddie Mercury.

Can't wait!

Tuesday, September 05, 2006

Death by Powerpoint

I wish I'd never learned to use the damn software.

I should have just used a flipchart.

Ugh.

It's late, my eyes are aching, and everytime I read the bloody presentation through again there seems to be yet another glitch on a slide that I didn't see the first time around.

!£$% &* @^# !!!

Great, and the training hasn't really yet begun to bite yet.

So I'm told.

Monday, September 04, 2006

Crocs Rule!

Gutted to hear about Steve Irwin.

We need more people like him who are genuinely, fiercely passionate about the world in which we live.

I bet if he's looking down from heaven though, regarding the Stingray and exclaiming:

"Gee, I think I've really pissed him off now..."

Sunday, September 03, 2006

Blue sky is back

Almost forgot what a blue sky looked like lately, the weather's been so awful throught August.

Tell you what though, when the wind picks up around here the roar of the breeze through the wood here sounds incredible. The autumn storms will be real fun.


Saturday, September 02, 2006

One hour of pure worry

I didn't really watch much of the second-half of the England match, funny really as it was relaxed entertainment - goals a-plenty.

I know, as a passionate England fan that's highly unusual behaviour.

However.

I got a text from my brother's girlfriend around the end of the first-half.

"Please tell me he's OK..."

Suffice as to say I was confused as hell.

I rang her up and asked if she was OK.

"Haven't you seen the news?" she asked in a wavering voice "There's been a crash..."

I hadn't, and immediately checked BBC News Online and put News 24 on in the background.

The headline read:

"14 Britons killed in Afghanistan Crash"

My eyes flickered over the following lines:

"Fourteen British service personnel have died after their aircraft crashed in Afghanistan, the MoD has said. Twelve RAF personnel, a Royal Marine and an Army soldier were among those who died in the crash in the southern province of Kandahar..."

Oh shit I muttered shit shit shit.

Why on earth? You ask...

See, my brother is currently serving in Afghanistan with the Royal Air Force as an Aircraft Engineer.

My heart began pounding like hell.

What then followed was a frantic hour of telephone calls between my parents, his girlfriend, the MOD Helpline and his RAF base.

With great relief, my dad called me about a half-hour ago, having been told by the base that they could confirm that none of their personnel was involved.

The feeling of relief is indescribable, however my heart immediately goes out to those fourteen families who have just received the worst possible news.

This isn't a time for blame or politics. This is a time for support and solidarity.

I have the greatest respect for those who disagree with the conflicts we have a nation have become involved in. But I swear I will strike any bastard down who should ever wish the worst upon our brave forces personnel serving abroad.

Friday, September 01, 2006

Fridays Rock

Why is it you have days when the planets seemed to be perfectly in alignment, and life is good.Then others, it's like someone on-high has glued a crap-magnet to your back?

Today, for a change, proved one of the former.

  1. My drive to the placement took a relatively breezy 1/2-hour. Not a single tractor on the road! Marvellous! We should pass national legislation to ban agricultural machinery on the roads during rush-hour. It works.
  2. The last day of the placement was also quite involving. Having chewed policy like cows chew grass all week, they actually let me talk to one of the individuals in the care home. By then I had a through knowledge of processes and policy, but I had no idea how one of these kids felt about the place, and the system, not least and more intriguingly, what they honestly thought about the police. So that was an insight.
  3. Got back home to find a card from the Post Office saying they couldn't deliver something. Rushed to the local branch and understood why. I'd complained to Ikea that one of these I bought the other day had a stain on the fabric when I unpacked it. I was expecting a new cover, instead they sent me a completely footstool! So now I can wash the cover on the other one, and I have two! See, complaining works! (I know, having worked in retail for a while...)
  4. My landlord is letting me install a water meter, wohoo! I mean £212 Anglian Water wanted to charge from 31st July through 31st March. That's criminal!
  5. Amongst the usual crap in my E-Mail, there's an offer from British Airways. Gatwick - Marrakech for £56! Wow! I'd already been thinking for somewhere to go for my week off in October. Now I'm sorely tempted indeed. Being a hosteller at heart, I travel light and with no frills. Africa for peanuts? T e m p t i n g ! (Sod's Law says it'll be booked full when I try, but still, it's nice to have options).
  6. Looked out in the garden a few minutes ago, and this flower must have just blossomed today (see below). I'm not really a gardener, I was impressed, but have absolutely no idea what it is.
  7. And finally... I got paid today!!